People are inherently good

In some psychology class back in the day I remember learning the theory that: "people were inherently evil" and that we had to work hard at making decisions to be kind and good people.  I firmly believe the opposite is true.  I have never received such an out pouring of love and service as I have through out this experience.

We had just moved into our ward in Alpine when we found out we were pregnant.  We kept it hidden for quite a while, and never made much of a fuss about.  Still the women in the ward were always so nice to me and supportive.  When my water broke early Sunday morning, we texted the Shippens, (we rent their basement apartment) and let them know what was happening and to see if they could find a sub for our Sunday School class.  Word spread quickly through out the ward and I was receiving encouraging texts all through out the day/night.

When we were released from the hospital empty handed it was heart breaking.  I was terrified to go home alone and see his empty room.  Jason dropped me off and then went to pick up all of my prescriptions.  While he was gone I walked past Ashton's room and saw this.

I knew right away it was the Shippens who had done this for us.  I broke into tears and called them.  I cried as I told Jaime how much it meant to me, no one had ever done anything like this for me.  I know it was just a shelf with some books and toys, but the thought that was behind it all meant more to me then I think she will ever know.

I couldn't drive for the first week that I was home.  The Relief Society organized rides for me to and from the hospital so I could go visit Ashton.  They brought in meals while he was in the NICU, and again when he came home from the hospital, we had more food than we could even eat.  It was humbling to be on the receiving end of things, and made me want to strive to be a better "giver".

My Mother-in-law, Sisters-in-law, and my Mom threw me a great baby shower in October with family and friends.  They all went in together and got me the Chico Travel System I had been coveting.

My Grandma Morehead had a shower planned for me in Idaho while we were there for Thanksgiving, but we had to cancel it when the doctor said we couldn't travel.  She still sent us all of the treats and presents she and my Aunts had gotten for us though.

The week Ashton was born we had two other baby showers planned.  One from Blue Lemon friends and the other was from the ward.  Both of which obviously got cancelled since we were in the hospital.  Our ward rescheduled the shower for the following week.  Which was perfect for me since Ashton was still in the hospital it gave me something to look forward to and got me so excited to bring him home so he could see all of his new presents.  We got so spoiled.  The women of the ward, some that hardly knew me, went all out.  We got everything from a crib mattress, to a bouncer, to a million diapers and clothes.  Between all of the outpouring of love from so many people we are not going to need to spend much money at all on this little man.  Which is a huge blessing saying as his and mine medical bills are going to be outrageous.  You are loved more than you know little guy.

When I look back on this I want to remember the intense kindness and generosity, I want to remember the desire to want to serve others more and I hope I can act on that.  I want to always remember: Jaime Shippen, Natalie Daley (my visiting teacher), and Brenda Webb (a woman I had hardly ever talked to prior to Ashton being born, but talked with almost every day for the first two weeks).  These women are exactly the type of mothers I want and need to be one day.  People really are inherently good, and they are living proof.

Christmas Miracle

 This year hardly felt like Christmas at all with everything we had going on.  However, we did get to spend some time with close family and friends, plus our own little Christmas Miracle.

The week after Ash was born Blue Lemon had their 3rd annual Lemmy Awards.  I had helped plan this event and wasn't about to miss it.  So we left Ashton with his very expensive nanny (aka the NICU) and got dressed up for the night.  Can I just tell you how good it felt to fit into something other than sweats?!

Red Carpet night, with yummy food

and good friends.

We didn't make it to any family parties, or to see the lights, we did most of our Christmas shopping in between NICU visits, and we didn't even begin to think about making treats for the neighbors...

But we did have our own little Christmas Miracle

December 15th at about 11:00pm we got to bring the best present in the world home with us after 18 long days in the NICU.

We shut our doors and didn't leave the house till after New Years.  Jason's Parents and Crystal and Skyler came to visit Christmas Eve.  Jason and I had our traditional Chinese take out for dinner and spent the next 24 hours in a Lord of the Rings Marathon.  

Only to be interrupted by my entire family coming up Christmas Day and surprising us with Christmas Dinner and one of the best sibling gift exchanges we've had (we decided on a $2 limit this year = creative and funny presents).

Jason and I opted out of presents this year and took to snuggling Ashton as much as we could.

Definitely can't complain.

Coming Home

December 15th was a great day.  It was the day we got to bring you home.

We were hoping the time was coming close.  Some days would be so encouraging, other days not so much.

Every baby that came in to the NICU after you did and then left before you did was a little heart breaking.  You want to be happy for that smiling family taking their little one home, but deep down you're jealous.  I cried the first time the little girl across from us went home.  The nurse reminded me that girls progress faster than boys.  Then it was our turn, our turn to take you home, and I was so excited but I was also afraid to see the other moms who had been in there longer than we had and still had a ways to go, I felt guilty now.

I am so grateful we went to Timpanogos Hospital, they had a brand new NICU.  You were one of the firsts in there.  I am so so grateful for the NICU and the nurses and doctors and I'm so grateful that never once did I doubt that we would get to take you home.  I always knew you would be okay, that we would be okay.  I was still anxious though.

I remember one hard night. I had gone to visit you during the day as I always did; it was late at night, your dad was doing homework, and I was watching TV on the couch (probably moping). I made the comment that it didn't really feel like anything had changed. I worked; Dad went to school.  The only difference was it felt like we had a little puppy-dog that we got to go visit at the pet store.  One that we really wanted but weren't allowed to have.  A few minutes later Dad slammed his books shut and said "Lets GO!" I was surprised, it was late, but off we went to visit you.  We needed you.  We needed to know you knew we were there and that you weren't alone.  That we loved you.

I always had a hard time leaving you.  Always felt so sad and bad at the same time. I hated thinking that when you woke up we wouldn't be there.  I liked to think that you knew when we were there, even if we were just in the waiting room, or just sitting by your bed watching you.  Somedays you were too tired for us to hold you as long as we wanted.  Other days you would just look at us.

The day before we got to bring you home we brought your car seat in so you could do the car seat test. You had to lay in your car seat for a certain amount of time without having any bradycardia or desatting.  Those were the things we were having a hard time with.  You had to go so long without having any before they would let you come home.  We'd make it so far, and then another desat.  We were so excited that we were going to get to bring you home.  It felt so close.

The day after we brought your car seat in, December 15th, I went to visit you in the morning.  This was not a good day.  The nurse told me you had failed your car seat test.  Other things just weren't looking as good as they had been previously, too. I was pretty depressed leaving the hospital that day. I called your dad on my way back home and told him what the nurse had said.  I told him how frustrated I felt; I felt like we would do so good and then all of a sudden we would regress back.  He calmed me down and said that it was better to bring you home when you were completely ready and that the doctors really did know best.  They had told us to prepare for you to stay until your due date, January 2nd, but I REALLY hoped and prayed you would be home before Christmas. I never even let myself think otherwise.

That night I was working an event, Dad was at a study session, I got a phone call from the NICU.  My heart sank automatically fearing the worst whenever I saw that number on my phone.  It was one of my favorite nurses, one of the ones who was in charge of things. She said, "How would you like to come get little Ashton?" I was so confused at first. I thought she just meant come see you, then she clarified my confusion. "Come bring him home."  I couldn't even believe it! After such a discouraging day, I just kept asking, "Are you sure?" "Are you serious?!" I was so excited!  As I hung up the phone, all of the people I was working with screamed with me and hugged me and were so happy too.  I didn't even know what to do. I called your Dad at school, he had to finish and I needed to finish work, even though we were both so distracted.  I ended up leaving work early as soon as your Dad was able to come get me.  This was something we were so excited for and had been looking forward to for what felt like forever, but at the same time all of a sudden we felt completely unprepared.  We got to the NICU around 9:30pm.  Apparantly you hadn't failed your car seat test at all, still not sure why the nurse had told me that.  We had to watch all these movies before they let us take you home.  We got to get you dressed in your first outfit that was your own.  Before this time they had put you in a few hospital onesies, but nothing that was YOURS.

I was nervous to have you all to myself.  I was nervous that there wouldn't be any monitors.  My eyes were usually pretty glued to the monitors watching what they and you were doing.  No monitors, no nurses, no help.  You were mine, and you were my responsibility. You were going to sleep in the basinet at the foot of my bed that night.  I was going to have to feed you on my own and hope you were getting enough. No one was going to be weighing the amount of food you ate.  I was truly going to be a full blown MOM!  This was it.  It was before your due date, it was before Christmas just like I had prayed for.  It was time for you to be home.  Thank you, little Ashton, for working so hard and being so strong and finishing up all your growing so we can be a family.  You're perfect and I wouldn't change a thing.

A Thousand Years

I first heard this song heading to the hospital to visit Ashton.  It brought me straight to tears.  I heard it almost every day at least once while I was heading there or coming home.  It is the perfect song for us and describes everything I'm feeling for this new little human in my life.

Heart beats fast, colors and promises
How to be brave?

How can I love when I'm afraid to fall?
But watching you stand alone
All of my doubt suddenly goes away somehow

One step closer.

I have died every day waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid

I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

Time stands still, beauty in all (he) is
I will be brave
I will not let anything take away what's standing in front of me
Every breath, every hour has come to this

One step closer.

I have died every day waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid 

I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

One step closer.  One step closer.

I have died every day waiting for you
Darlin' don't be afraid,
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

And all along I believed I would find you
Time has brought your heart to me
I have loved you for a thousand years
I'll love you for a thousand more

-Christina Perri

Words

Tonight I need a place to write.  So for the few of you that check in on this blog I apologize in advance.  But my heart is broken and a good friend said to write everything down because someday I will look back on this and find strength.  I know that everyone has trials and I know that I am in no way alone in what I am going through right now.  But for now I am grieving, and I think that that's okay, for tonight.  People always say that when you become a mother something inside you changes.  I'm not sure if that is what has happened to me or if I'm just an emotional person to begin with.

I've wanted to be a mother ever since I was a little girl.  Stuffing pillows in my shirts pretending I was pregnant and carrying baby dolls around the house.  When we found out we were pregnant I was so scared and excited at the same time.  The past 8 months have been a roller coaster of emotions.  Excitement for our baby to come and nervousness for the changes he would bring to our lives.  I played it out in my head over and over again.  I was nervous for labor, how did a body go through all that? How was that ever going to fit?! I was so excited to just hold my baby. I would think about it all night long sometimes.  Holding him so tight and loving him as much as I wanted.  I was so excited for all my family and friends to come visit us in the hospital and to love him as much as I already did.

I was hoping he would come early, and I guess I jinxed myself, I was thinking December 29th sounded good instead of January 2nd.  But November 27th works too.  I don't think I fully understood what the future was holding for us when my water broke 1 day before being 35 weeks.  When the Neonatalogist came in and talked to us while I was waiting for an epidural I don't think I grasped exactly what she was saying.  I was more focused on breathing through the contractions, I didn't understand that she was telling me that my baby wasn't going to be "okay".  Epidurals are amazing bytheway.  But nurses running in with panicked looks in their eyes, not so amazing.

Being told that your ready to push but you have to push fast and hard is one of the craziest moments.  Really? This is happening now?  But again panicked doctor voices don't make that moment feel very good either.  The words "C-Section" was never something I ever even dreamed of.  I doubt many mothers do.  I always skipped that section in the books and articles I read.  It all happened so fast.  I just remember crying and apologizing over and over again to everyone in the room how sorry I was.  I felt like I was starting off a bad mother, I couldn't even deliver my own baby.  Jason was so calm and great through everything, I felt like I was letting him down though.  This experience that he was so excited for wasn't going to happen.  Being wheeled down the hall into the scary bright lights of the surgery room, I didn't even register what was about to happen.  I was so grateful for the big blue sheet that didn't let me see what was happening but at the same time I hated not knowing what was going on.  I just locked all my focus on Jason's eyes and watched him watch me get sliced open.

I still remember the little tiny cry at first, and then nothing, I remember yelling out "why isn't he crying?!" and then it came, not the loud crying you hear in the movies but just enough of it.  He had his own special team waiting for him.  I was trying to watch him so closely, I just wanted to see him, to count his little fingers and toes and just to know that he was okay.  I will never forget the feeling when they laid him on my chest for those short minutes.  He just looked at me with those perfect little eyes, he was so tired and honestly so was I.  They took him away and I fell asleep while the doctors continued to work on me.

They told me I wouldn't be able to be with him and that he would be in the NICU, but I don't think I grasped exactly what that meant until I was sitting in my room and realized there was no baby in my tummy but no baby in my arms or even my room.  It is such an empty feeling.

I know we are not alone in this.  So many people have shared their NICU experiences with me and it gives me comfort and strength to know that I'm not alone and that it is not forever.  But for tonight I feel like I can feel a little sorry for my self.  I know we are so blessed.  His lungs are good enough that he hasn't needed to be on oxygen and in the past four days he has dropped down to just one IV and one feeding tube.  I know it could be worse.  I know there are thousands of babies worse off.  I know we are so blessed and I am in no way complaining.

Tonight's my first night at home though.  The silver lining in having a C-section is that you get to stay in the hospital longer and I was there exactly as long as they would let me.  Getting into the car empty handed with an empty car seat in the back isn't how I planned it either.  The empty bassinet I'm looking at right now makes my heart ache even more.  You almost have to "relearn" how to walk after a C-section.  It is so painful and tiring and the only motivation I had was to walk down to the NICU, which isn't very close, but at the end is your baby so you push through the pain and just do it.  It's funny how proud of yourself you can get just over walking distance.

The Nurses say that I had to pretty much give birth twice and that it is going to take a while for my body to recover.  So while I'm home healing I'll be praying that my baby is doing the same thing.  Finish growing little Ashton your mom and dad want to cuddle you and kiss you and I never want to hear that "times up" and have the nurses take you away from us to plug you back into everything again.  Even though I think you look so cute with your little sun glasses on, I miss your eyes.  We hardly ever get to see them open so thank you for looking at us so long today before we left.  Every night since you were born I just look through all your pictures trying to remember every little feature of your face and hands and feet and every little part of you that I don't even know yet.  Please know that we didn't leave you and that we are coming back to see you tomorrow and the day after that, and the day after that, and the day after that....

Dear Baby B,

Baby B = Baby Boy.  Cause we still don't have any names for you.  I wish you could pick it out yourself.  Sure would make things a lot easier on us.

But look what we got for you.  

Gotta love hand-me-downs (I promise it isn't metallic, like this picture makes it look). It makes me happy/giddy every time I look at it.  It was sitting in my office at work for over two weeks, but we just brought it home and I think it looks so perfect in the corner of our living room.

Mainly because your room still looks like this.  

I promise we will make room for you before you get here.

Chapters

Having moved a lot through out my whole life, I never really felt like I got attached to a certain house.  I got attached to my friends and my surroundings, but never the house it self.

Back in 2006 I started Nannying for a family in Park City, which turned into moving to California, and then back to Park City.  Ever since that time I've always had a "home" in PC.  I lived there for 3 summers and was back and forth between Sugar House and Park City up until I got married.  It was my home during that time.  My stability.  I knew I always had my room there.  My escape and getaway.

Last week, I went up to Park City, to pick up some things that I still had in the basement of my old home there.  Since the family spends most of their time in California they have decided to sell it.  I got their a little before they did and walked through the house, sat in my room, and I was surprised at all the emotions that came.  I went through a lot while living there. A lot of growing up.  I miss all the movie nights by the fire place.  The scooter rides.   The perfect summer weather.  The pools.  I miss the nights when I had the whole house to myself and I could play the piano and mess up as much as I wanted to and it didn't matter.  I haven't played at all since moving away.  I miss the cuddles from my girls when they would fall asleep with me or come wake me up in the mornings.  I miss all the laughs from the boys cracking me up at all times.  The giddiness of the surprise visits and flowers that Jason would always leave for me.  I miss the views.  Waking up to fresh snow in Park City is something else.  It's breath taking.

Blame it on being crazy pregnant or for the first time really being sad about leaving a house.  Even though I haven't slept in "my room" for years it was still hard walking away.
We were all crying.
It's the closing of a Chapter in all of our lives.

Thank you for being so good to me Park City.  I am a lucky girl to say I have lived there.

Summer???

Not quite sure where Summer went this year...  I don't feel like we got to enjoy it like we wanted to and I'm sad to say that our Bikes didn't even make it out once all season.  We will blame this on the crazy amount of Credits Jason took this summer and on the 40+ Weddings/Dinners/Luncheon I put together.  Not to mention, I was feeling quite "under the weather" up until the end of July.  So what did we do besides work and school?

Tin foil dinners in the mountains with friends. A little bit of St. George. Celebrated Jason's Birthday.

Miniature Golf with the Fam.  

Go Karts. Lots of Ice Cream this summer. Played like little kids in the arcade.  

We did make it to the pool once or twice.  4 Wheeling for the 4th.  Fireworks, Fireworks, and more Fireworks.  

Massive bon fires (thanks Dad).  Some kayaking and cliff jumping at Causey.  Hiking at Sundance.

 Jason spoiled me, as usual, for my birthday, which led to a quick trip to Vegas. 

Where we explored every free form of entertainment possible, walked the strip till I couldn't walk anymore and lounged at the pool as much as Jason would let me.  (This has definitely been my whitest summer yet!) 

 Bowling, movies, BBQs, cabin trips with friends.  We got to walk for a cure and visit the amazing Make A Wish. 

Oh and did I mention I gained 9 pounds this summer? 

Ya, seriously.

So I guess we weren't exactly bored this summer.  But heres to a hopeful boating trip next year! :)

Dinner

The other day I made dinner for Jase.

It doesn't happen very often (and I've never attempted steak before).

Jason's response when he walked in the door?

"Crap, what day is it? It's not our anniversary or anything right?"

Guest Blogger + Blue Lemon + Weddings + I love my job

http://blog.thebrideandgroom.com/utah-wedding-planning/divine-details-for-this-white-black-lime-color-weddingguest-blog-with-blue-lemon/

Dear Baby,

Tomorrow we find out who you are.  A boy or a girl.  A little me, or a little Jase.  Tomorrow changes everything.  Even though you're already you inside my tummy.  We just don't know very much about you yet and we can't wait.  We try and picture you in our family and in our future, and soon we will have another piece of the puzzle.  Tomorrow we will know how our family starts out, a big brother to protect his siblings or a big sister to take care of them.  Either way we don't care, it just kinda feels like a big deal.  Baby, we are so excited to get to know you a little bit better tomorrow.  I really do hope you are not too modest and let us get a good peak. :)

Did you know...

We have a Maxima.



And there is a reason we picked this car out...

The Walk

Yesterday Jason and I were able to participate in the CureSearch Walk at Liberty Park.  It was such an amazing walk and I couldn't believe the turn out!  This was the first time that CureSearch has come to Salt Lake and so far it had the largest turn out of all the walks this year.  As a whole the walk raised over $70,000 for Childhood Cancer Research.  Team Skyler was in the top 5 for the groups who raised the most money too.  Crystal and her Mom put a lot into this event and it was incredible running into so many people we had never met all wearing Team Skyler shirts.  

There was a special feeling at the park, everyone was there for the same reason, we were all connected in someway.  Some had fought, some had lost, some are still fighting, and some where just their because they love.  It was an emotional event seeing so many Cancer Fighting Cuties running around with their little bald heads and fighting spirits.  I read a lot of Skyler's Buddies Blogs and it was like I was seeing celebrities all over the place.  I wanted to run up and hug so many of these little kids and thank them for their courage and example and tell their mothers that I pray for them and have spent many nights crying as I read about their heroic journeys.  

I was in charge of taking pictures for our team and loved every minute of the event!  I ended up running the cameras battery out there was so much going on and so many moments to capture.  To read more and see a few more pictures visit Skyler's Blog.  Can't wait for next year!

"Team Skyler

For the Fighters, Survivors, and Angels"

Meet Marci

I met Marci about 4 years ago at one of those awkward  Singles Ward Activities.  They were going to the Jazz game and I got talked into going.  Probably one of the only activities we both ever went to.  So I think it was fate.   I didn't know anyone and she was new.  

A few months later we were bonding big time in the beautiful Cayman Islands.  Creating enough inside jokes to last a life time.

By the end of the Summer we were roomies livin the life in Sugar House.  Loved these days.  Laughing all night long on the couch.  Talking about real life.  Swapping music and dancing at all the shows.  Watching a million episodes of The OC and Arrested Development.  And of course hanging out with the best neighbor ever, Jason. 

Jason and I officially adopted her in February. 

And then we moved and I cried and cried because I missed her so much.  But then we moved home and I was so excited to have my friend back.  We may not have been able to hang out as much as we used too.   But our monthly dinners were my favorite.  

One day Marci decided to go on a Mission.  That is what I love about her.  She is so brave and strong and has such a huge testimony.  Having the opportunity to be there with her when she went through the temple was amazing.  I cried.  We got to go to St. George for her farewell and meet up with some other good friends.

We were all roommates (and tan) at one point in time, even if it was only for a few days.  

Marci,  I want you to know how much I love you and how proud of you I am!  You are going to be an incredible missionary and I am so excited to hear all of your stories and see the amazing difference you are going to make in this world.  Thank you for the example you have set for all of us.  

Love, Pop-Pop and Gangy 

CureSearch

From Skyler's Blog:
"There have been too many nights when I sat holding my sons limp hand and listening to a mother down the hall sobbing at the loss of her child, or walked by parents with tears streaming down their faces.  I still cant get the images of my son laying in a hospital bed covered head to toe with tubes that were the only things keeping him alive out of my head.  Along with the pain, suffering and heartache though I have also seen miracles.  I have seen Skyler start breathing on his own when everyone thought he never would again.  I have seen him take his first drink after months of not being able to, and I have seen him take his first steps again.  I have also received many blessings. The support we have been shown has been incredibly humbling for me.  My eyes have been opened to how much good there is in this world.  There have been so many people who have picked me up when I didnt think I could go on.  Alot of those people were people I have never met before.  This last year has changed me for the better and I want to give back.  I want to help raise money for a cure.  I am proud to be able to take part in this CureSearch walk and am so happy that they have come to Utah for the first time this year."

All of the kids in the video are from Utah, some are survivors, others are still battling, and others are angels helping fight from behind the scenes.

July 9th, come walk with us!

Join Skyler's Team. Or any team for that matter.  They deserve a cure.

http://www.curesearchwalk.org/saltlakecity/teamskyler

Utah County

Sometimes I think that God will place and replace obstacles in your life until you are strong enough to overcome them.

When my family first moved to Utah, we rented a place in Alpine.  It was probably the hardest time (in my opinion) in my family's life.  My brother and I called it "Hell-pine".  I think a lot of it stems from the bitterness and immaturity I had about moving from, all my friends, my high school, my life, and my, my, my Arizona (I was a very self centered teenager).  Then coming to this richy "my daddy makes more money then yours does"(I'm not kidding, I heard arguments over this all the time at school), small town where everyone grew up together and wasn't very fond of letting outsiders in, which is what we were, outsiders.  In any case Alpine was a hard time for me and when we moved after 7 months of trying to make it work, I swore that I would never NEVER come back.  I wanted nothing to do with anything south of point of the mountain.  In the next 8 years I could count on two hands the amount of times that I ever stepped into Utah County again.

Then we moved back from Michigan and I had to find a new job, and the one I wanted was in Highland, which is right next to Alpine.  As lame as it sounds I almost thought about not taking the job for the sole fact that it was "Hell-pine" territory.  Now after almost 10 years, Jason and I have moved back, to guess where... Alpine.  I never thought I'd see the day.  Jason thought it was really weird that I couldn't remember where my old house was or how to get to certain places.  I seriously blocked that time of my life from my memory for a long time.  Now we even attend church at the same old ward building, and the other sunday on our way to church we drove past where I used to live, by accident.  It did kind of make me queasy inside having flashbacks to those countless nights crying in my room and all those days wandering the halls during lunch because I didn't have friends to eat with.

Again, I think God knows what he is doing, and as lame as it sounds I need to face my 15 year old in secure self and realize that home is where you make it.  Who knows how long we will really be here for, but being bitter didn't get me anywhere last time, so here's to our new home, and new adventure, and new friends that I am looking forward to meeting!

Our Life in Boxes

Once Again.

We're moving.  Its tradition at this point. 

I will miss our apartment so much.  Loved the fireplace, the balcony, the vaulted ceilings, the pool, oh and the walk-in closet. *sigh* Love the mountains.  The deer and foxes in our "backyard". Love the shopping and restaurants. Love the people. Love the views. 

So long SoJo... We'll be back. (I hope)

Blessings and Love

Tonight Jason and I were able to go up to Bountiful to give Skyler and his mom a blessing.  Skyler is going in for surgery tomorrow to do a biopsy on his lungs.  He has been having bad fevers lately and the tests are showing that he may have a fungal infection in his lungs.  We are praying hard that this is not a new form of fungus.  Not the fungus that almost shut all of his organs down just months ago.  We can't bare the thought of seeing him go down that road again.  

He is one tough little dude.  

You wouldn't have known he was sick seeing him tonight, he was so happy and "normal".  As normal as a cancer kid can be, the lump under his shirt where his central line is, his fuzzy head now that his hair is growing back, the slowly healing scars from the many different tubes and surgeries he has already undergone.  He looked so big sitting in that chair tonight, with his arms folded, a wii remote in one hand and carmel popcorn in the other, he reverently closed his eyes while Grandpa and Jason gave him a blessing.  

A blessing of love and strength.  

It brought tears to my eyes.  I love that Jason is always prepared and willing to give blessings.  I love that he is worthy of the power that he holds to do so.  I love that my father raised me in such a way where I'm not afraid, or too proud, to ask for a blessing when needed.  I love that I have a testimony of the power, love, strength, and healing that can come from these blessings.  What an amazing thing, a direct line from our Heavenly Father, our own special love letter from him.  That he loves us, cares for us, wants us to be happy, and even though his answers may not always be our own, they are always for a reason.  He does not give us anything that we can't endure, and for that I am grateful.  

You are in our prayers Skyler, we ALL love you.

http://crystalandskyler.blogspot.com/

My Mom loves April Fools Day.

Jason now loves Sushi too.
AKA, gummy worms, rice crispy treats, and fruit rollups.

You get us every year Mom.