Wednesday, September 10, 2014

Birthday Trip For Me

My Dad had a business trip planned for Texas before we even moved down here.  So I had been looking forward to figuring out a way to see him while he was in the same state as me.  Then for my birthday my Dad flew my Mom out so she could drive with me and we could all spend a few days together.  I had been looking forward to this trip, and was so excited for my boys to get to see their grandparents again.  Ashton was off the wall excited. 
I picked my mom up late Saturday night.  Sunday morning we had peach cobbler and blew out candles to celebrate both my moms birthday and mine.  Ash made Grandma play cars all morning with him.  After sacrament meeting we said goodbye to Jason and took off on our adventure. 
We met up with my Dad by Austin at his cousins house.  We took Ashton to the park so he could get some energy out and then had dinner at The Cotton Patch.  We got to the hotel in San Antonio late that night.  This was Ashtons second time at a hotel but he was so excited and thought it was awesome having a sleepover with Grandma and Grandpa. 
Monday we checked out downtown San Antonio and took the boys to the childrens museum.  Even I was super entertained there.  Ash has grown up so much in the way he plays and interacts with things.  I love watching his mind figure things out and discover new things. 
After Grandpa got done working we went swimming at the hotel.  The pool was freezing, but Ashton never wanted to get out.  He loved playing with Grandpa. That night we went and walked around the Alamo and the River Walk.
The next day we took Ashton on a miniature train ride, that had a tunnel and everything, then we drove to Austin which was where my dad was working that day.  We went to an outdoor mall for some window shopping and lunch and then played in the outdoor fountains.  We had to stop in Barnes and Noble so Ashton could play with more trains too (the boy really likes trains).  That night we went downtown to the Congress Avenue Bridge.  Underneath the bridge live over a million bats and at dusk they all fly out to go eat.  Its the thing to do in Austin apparently, there were tons of people everywhere all waiting for the bats to come out.  It was pretty crazy watching all of the bats flying all over the place.  We watched for about a half hour before packing up and they were still coming out when we left.  I will say though, there are hardly any bugs in Austin.
We drove back home Tuesday night, the trip went by far too quickly.  We had to take my mom back to the airport Wednesday morning.  We were all sad.  Julian and Ashton both loved all the time and attention they got from Grandma and Grandpa.  I love watching them love my boys.  While we were away I kept forgetting that I didn't still live in Utah, and that I wasn't just on a vacation with my parents.  It was so sad to remember that all this having fun and happiness with them wasn't going to last past a few days.  It's hard to explain, but it just felt good to have them around again.  Getting a nap and being able to sleep in while my mom had the boys sure helped with those good feelings too!

Saturday, July 19, 2014

The White Coat Ceremony

I was so proud of Jason.  I AM so proud of Jason.  He has worked so hard to get here.  It is crazy to think that we are really doing this.  Really in med school.  My husband is really going to be a doctor.  Jason is really going to do what he wants, help people, save lives, make a difference.  I know it is going to be long, and everyone has warned me that it is going to be hard.  We made it through the first week of just orientation classes, and we really missed him, I guess I'm not sure what to expect when real classes start on Monday.  But he will be incredible as always.
The White Coat Ceremony is when all of the first year med students receive their first "white coat" which signifies the beginning of their medical career.  They talked about how hard everyone has worked to get to be where they are at.  They talked about how everyone one of them was the top of their class and that they were all chosen to come to this school for a reason.  "There were over 3,000 applicants for the 230 spots for the class of 2018.  Feel special!"  and we definitely do.  Out of all the interview opportunities we had Jason knew this was where he wanted to be.  They only accept 8-10% of the incoming class to be from out of state, and the majority of those students come from BYU.  Jason even received a scholarship on top of that!  Ok, done bragging...
I think there was only one other person there more proud and excited than I was. 
So glad she was able to see her son follow his dreams today too.

Friday, July 18, 2014

Grandma and Grandpa Beckstrand come to Texas

We were lucky to have Grandma and Grandpa Beckstrand come out for Jason's White Coat Ceremony.  It was so nice to have them here with us in Texas and make things feel a little more like home.  It was a quick trip but we had so much fun with them.  
Friday after Jason picked them up from the airport with a very excited Ashton we got to go to a BBQ that the school was putting on for all of the first years and their families.  It was so much fun and just what I needed.  They had an amazing balloon artist and other fun games and activities set up outside and yummy food.  
Yes, that is most definitely an octopus backpack.
We also got to see where Jason will be spending most of his time for the next two years.  The lecture hall was really impressive, everything is very hi-tech and new.  We also got to see the rest of the building where they get to practice being doctors.  You really feel like you are in a hospital, it is all set up just like it would be with a bunch of exam rooms that they will get to practice in.  I was really impressed and it was really good for me to see and understand a little bit more what Jason is going to be doing.  It also felt good and a little bit more normal to be all together having fun as a family.
Saturday was the big day, the White Coat Ceremony, but I will save that for another post, because it really was that cool and special.  After the ceremony at the school Grandma and Grandpa took us out for lunch, then we came home and all relaxed together, Grandpa Beckstrand loaded us up with all of our favorite treats and we rented a movie and just enjoyed being together.
 Sunday was church, then naps, then we went downtown and explored the Water Gardens in Fort Worth.  I'm sure we will be back, it was a really beautiful area and the different fountains are pretty incredible.  Ashton especially loved running around and exploring with his Dad.  He has really missed not having him around as much.  
Sadly we had to say goodbye Sunday night, as they left really early Monday morning.  It was another really hard goodbye.  This was the end of our visitors, we are on our own now.  It made things feel like more of a reality and that just made it too hard to say goodbye.  It especially breaks my heart that Ashton and Julian are going to miss out on such amazing grandparents.  I know we will still see them, but I'm just not sure when, and that's a hard thought.  I am so grateful they got to come out though.  I know it meant a lot to Jason to have them here as well.  It was also a huge help to me to have them at the White Coat Ceremony,  I was actually able to enjoy it and pay attention to things more than I think I would have if I had the two boys by myself.  I feel so blessed to have such amazing parents and in-laws, and I feel extra blessed that my boys get to have so many amazing Grandparents in their lives as well. 

Monday, April 14, 2014

Now that you're in the world

I never really mind being at the hospital, I had a view of the temple from my room, tons of treats, and I had visitors non-stop the first few days.  I was so thrilled that they were able to see and hold my baby this time.
Grandma and Grandpa Beckstrand were there first thing Tuesday morning.  My mom brought Ashton over early too.  I had been so excited for Ashton to come.  I was so excited for him to meet his new brother.  We had been preparing him for this for months.  I was sad that he wouldn't get to see him in person since he was in the NICU though.  When my mom first brought him to the hospital he was super happy.  My mom said they had been having a great morning together.  I was so concerned how he would react to waking up and not having us there.  But he had his Grandma and didn't really seem to mind.  In fact he completely ignored me when he got to the hospital, wouldn't even acknowledge me.  We took him down to the NICU where he could look in a window and see his new baby brother.  
He stood on the foot rests of my wheelchair and just watched. 
 I have no idea what was going on in his little head but he seemed to be excited.
Ashton warmed back up to me eventually and held my hand and laid with me in my bed.

That afternoon my Dad stopped by with my Grandma Liedtke and they got to look through the window too. Annalise, Alex, and Toni also came.  They captured some of the best moments with me as I was freshly dosed up on drugs.  I'm hoping the pictures they took never resurface...  I started having a reaction to the magnesium and my face felt as if I had the worst sunburn.  It was turning redish-purplish too.  The nurses said they had never seen it happen but that it can be a side effect, so much fun.  That combined with the crazy swelling I had I was looking like a whole different person.  They all got to be there when they brought our little baby (we still didn't have a name for him at this point) back into the room.  I was so out of it that I didn't trust myself holding him at all.  So they all got to snuggle him for me and Alex helped Jason syringe feed him.   Jason stayed with me that night and my Mom stayed with Ashton again.
Ashton was having a blast with all the excitement and attention he was getting.  Almost everyone who brought presents for the new baby also brought presents for him.  He looked so big to me, like he had grown up overnight.  My mom brought him back on Wednesday, this was the first time he got to meet his new baby brother face to face.  He wasn't too sure about him at first, but by the end he was very interested in every noise and movement he made, but he wasn't so sure about touching or holding him.
My mom went back home Wednesday night and Jason stayed with Ashton at home the rest of the nights I was in the hospital, but they came to visit lots.  Jason and him made quite the handsome pair.
Annalise, Alex and her husband Travis and Toni came back, as well as Aislinn and my good friend Stephanie Reynolds.  
My Dad also came back for a visit and Kayli came up and helped take some sweet pictures for me.
My last day in the hospital was Friday, they let me check out a night early.  Jason took Ashton for a father-sons day, while I got to fully relax at the hospital.  I had no visitors that day, just me and my babe.  We did skin to skin for hours.  Just snuggled together, something truly incredible.  While I learned a lot of strength from my experience with Ashton and even though my second birth wasn't perfect, I can understand now why women want to do it again.  
Those precious moment with brand new life is something amazing, something I can't describe.  
If only I could freeze time.  

Sunday, April 13, 2014

How Wonderful Life Is...

Monday, April 7th, started out just like any other day.  Actually it started out better.  I was having a great day.  A baby swing I had been wanting popped up on KSL for only $35 and was for sale just 5 minutes away from us.  I was feeling blessed.  Jason had the morning off so we went and picked it up and then took Ashton to the park.  I actually played with him, rode the see-saw and everything.  I've been on so called "bed rest" since the little babe tried coming early back in February.  Dr. Lind would set goals, "lets get you to 34 weeks" "36 weeks would be good, but I doubt I'll see you"... but low and behold I was still making it to all those appointments.

I was pretty proud of myself every morning that I woke up and was still pregnant. However once I got past 36 weeks I started feeling like I was done.  At about 35weeks I started swelling like I had with Ashton and my blood pressure was getting higher, all the signs of preeclampsia that I had before Ashton came.  We had an extra ultra sound at 33 weeks because I was measuring so large, they discovered that baby was big, 75th percentile (Ashton always measured big too), and that I definitely had a ton of fluid.  No surprise there.  By my 36 week appointment I was measuring 42 weeks.  I was huge.  I had gained over 10lbs more weight than I had with Ashton, around 50lbs all together.  That's a lot of weight! I was so swollen my hands and feet ached, I was just crazy uncomfortable, but I wasn't having any real contractions either, so I was really feeling like I was just going to be pregnant forever.

Back to Monday, after the park and Jason went to work, Ashton and I just had a day.  I decided that I was done resting, and was just going to resume normal activities.  I took him to ride his bike around the block, we played in the backyard, I even picked him up and carried him.  Much to his excitement.  I was watching him play in the backyard and just felt like my heart was going to burst.  I felt like this day was different, like I needed to soak up every last second with this little boy.

Jason got home at about 9:30pm.  When he came in I told him we should probably pack our bags.  I wasn't having any contractions whatsoever, but I just knew.  At about 10:00pm Ashton was in his jammies ready for bed and I was just wiping off the kitchen counters when my water broke.  Such a surreal thing.  I was just laughing as I ran to the bathroom and just let the water flood out.   Ashton came in after me and just kept repeating "water broke? water broke?!" and wouldn't let Jason come in.  We called Annalise who came over to stay with Ashton while my Mom drove down from Morgan.  Alex and Toni ended up coming over after we left as well.  They said Ashton was so excited, whether he understood what was happening or not he definitely knew it was a big deal.  Or he was just excited that he was getting to play with three of his favorite people well past bed time.

We were delivering at American Fork Hospital this time, once there they set me up in a room and told me that Dr. Lind was actually on call that night, everything was just lining up perfectly!  He was delivering another mom at the moment, so they said they would get the OR ready and that they would take me back in about an hour.  I wasn't having any real contractions still, I maybe had 7 bad contractions all together before I was taken back to the OR for my spinal block.  Much easier than when I went in at 31weeks.

Knowing you are going to have a c-section is so much better and less stressful than an emergency one.  They took me back, I think they made me walk back actually, I was still nervous and scared, that room needs some nice paint and maybe some soothing pictures of the ocean.  I started shaking, I was freezing, the spinal block wasn't fun, but after that I just had to lay there.  I asked them to turn on music, cause that dead silence is awkward and makes things feel weird and anxious.  I can't remember what they turned on now, it wasn't my choice of music but it put everyone in a good mood.  They were saying how they wished they could have music on all the time.  Everyone was just taking there time getting things ready and joking around with each other.  Such a different experience from before! Jason came back all gowned up and excited.  He loves watching these things.  The Dr even told him he could go on the other side of the sterile curtain to watch.  I asked him to hold my hand instead, but at some point in the procedure they called him over and he just left and went to watch! I was shocked in the moment, but not mad. I don't remember doing this but I guess I asked the anesthesiologist to hold my hand instead.  Jason said it was really cool to watch from that view though, and I really am glad he got to see that.

Our little guy was born at 12:42 am on Tuesday, April 8th, 2014.  I was 37 weeks.  
8lbs 3oz. and 20.5 inches long.
Dr. Lind held him up over the curtain to me as soon as he pulled him out.  Gooey, purple, baby not the cutest site in the world,but he was here! He was crying loud and lots, this is the best sound!  They said he was the biggest baby they had delivered that night.  After he was cleaned up and swaddled Jason brought him over to me.  I only got to see him for what felt like a few seconds.  He didn't score well on the APGAR scale, he was acting a little pre-mature as far as his coloring and being floppy like Ashton was.  He was also having a hard time breathing.  They took him to the nursery and Jason went with him while they stitched me back up.  My blood pressure had been really high so they treated me for pre eclampsia and gave me magnesium.  They warned me that the magnesium was going to be rough.  Boy were they right I can't even explain how it made me feel.  Any nurse that came in and read my chart said they felt bad for me having to be on that.  I was moved to a recovery room where I got really sick, more fun side effects from the mag.  Throwing up right after abdominal surgery is never a good thing.  
The rest of the night/morning is a blur.  I remember a nurse coming in around 4:00am and saying that they had moved the baby to the NICU, he had a slight heart murmur and they were running tests to see why his lungs were having such a hard time.  
I remember being so frustrated.  I had tried to do everything right this time, three weeks wasn't that early, my baby wasn't suppose to be in the NICU he was suppose to be in my room!!!  When they brought in a pump and said I would need to start pumping I was even more upset.  I wanted to feed my baby.  I wanted to have those experiences.  I let the machine sit there and said I would do it in an hour, praying I would be able to feed him on my own instead.  Within that time the NICU called and said I could come down and try and feed him.  I was so excited that I would be able to try and feed him first, rather than someone else.  Sadly with all the drugs I can't even remember going down there, once again I don't remember holding my baby for the first time.  This is the part I think I hate most about my c-sections, not being able to remember such a special moment.
(Jason snapped this picture of me getting to hold him for the first time, I could hardly keep my eyes open)
We were so blessed and he only needed to be in the NICU for about 12 hours, we got to bring him back in our room around 5:00pm on Tuesday.  I loved having his little bed right by mine so I could watch him. I loved feeling like things were more "normal".  I loved watching Jason take care of him since I wasn't able to do much yet.  I loved watching him look at him with such pure love and joy in his eyes.
He was so adorably handsome, I never wanted to stop looking at this new little man in my life. We had perfect moments in the hospital together.  

Saturday, March 29, 2014

Outings and Adventures

A goal we set for this year was one "big" family outing every month.  Our big outing mixed in with all the other outings I can find for us has led to a very fun and exciting year for Ashton and I so far.
  January, Jason treated us to a motorcycle/ATV ice race at the Maverick Center.  Ashton was nervous from the noise at first but thanks to his trusty snow hat that covers his ears he ended up loving it and still talking about it to this day.  
Ashton and Mom also had our own night out at the Fire and Ice Festival at the Riverwoods.
 February was full of love and adventures at the Ice Castles.  We also met up with friends down town and played at City Creek.
Ash loves being the only boy (not really, but it happens sometimes).
I've been trying to squeeze in as many outings and play dates as possible this month with Ashton. We are loving this warm weather and time is running short that it is just going to be me and him. 
We took advantage of Dad's days off and went to the Hill Aerospace Museum followed by Grandma's house one week.  Ash loved looking at all of the planes and helicopters.  
Like father like son. 
We also went to Tracy Aviary, and then played at Liberty Park.  
Working on our flamingo pose.
This last week, after Jason got home from work we headed out to the store at 8:30pm too pick out two kinds of ice cream and two kinds of easter candy to share.  (No this was not the first time this type of sugar run has happened this pregnancy).  As I looked at him sitting on the couch with his little legs up and a bowl of candy in front of him as content as could be at 10:00pm on a Tuesday night. I thought to myself that he just has no idea how good he's got it.  
Heading out for the days adventures... He likes to pick out his own accessories if you can't tell.
Thursday we met up with a friend and went to the new aquarium.  He loved the otters, and the leftover candy that I brought as snacks because that was all we had.  After the aquarium we went and visited Dad at work.  Jase is currently at the Spring store in the South Towne Mall, Ashton loves visiting Dad because he likes to watch the train that drives around the mall, ride the escalators, and play on the indoor playground.  So we rode the escalators, played on the toys, hung out with Dad who got us candy from his stash at work and a balloon.  On the way back to the car someone gave Ashton an extra token they had for the merry go round.  The kid was in heaven.  You would have thought we were at a carnival, candy in one hand, balloon in the other, riding a cat (of course he would find the one cat on the entire ride).  I put him in his car seat and thought once again, "you have no idea how good you've go it right now".  All these activities and treats and it wasn't even 2:30pm yet.  

I wish he could have memories of these activities when he is an angry teenager suffering with the poor oldest child that never gets to do anything attitude (I can say that because I'm an oldest child and still have that attitude).  :) I hope somehow he will know that I am obsessed with him and love him so much and even though his world is about to be flipped upside down it will all work out and be even better in the long run.  
He truly is my best friend and little buddy.  We are kinda joined at the hip, not always by choice mind you, but where I go he is always right behind me.  Even if I'm cleaning the bathroom or doing laundry he is right there helping me.  Getting ready in the morning he loves sitting on the sink "helping me" or playing with his cars down by my feet.  We snuggle lots lately, more than Jason would think is healthy.  I haven't been allowed to pick him up for a couple months now (doctor's orders) instead we hold hands.    I can't tell you how many times I hear the words "mamma, hand" all day long and how much I love it. 

Wednesday, March 19, 2014

"One of the greatest secrets of success is knowing when to move on"

I've been putting off writing this post for a while now.  I didn't want to go into it with negative feelings. I want to remember Blue Lemon and all of my memories there with fondness.  I thought about skipping out on this post all together but for my own journaling sake there are things I want to remember and since my goal is to be all caught up before the baby is born I better get this one going.

When Jason and I decided to move back to Utah I was excited for the opportunity to return to school and finish my Event Planning Certificate I had been working on prior to us getting married and moving to Michigan.  I had my bachelors from USU but had started taking classes at SLCC in 2008.  While applying for jobs I came across the BL add on Craigslist, I remember saying to Jase "this is it, this is MY job!" I had been interviewing for a few other event positions and some other options too.  I actually had a different job offer when I received the good news from Blue Lemon.  It was a no brainer to me to turn the other job down and even though we were living almost an hour away at the time I knew I wanted to be apart of this company.
Having worked at the Grand America I had an idea of "fine dining" and having worked weddings at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building for four years I knew everything I needed to know about running events.  What I didn't know was selling/booking/marketing.  We had covered things like vendor relationships and contracts and I had the opportunity to help put together/manage/volunteer at some big events through my classes and other side jobs I had picked up in the past.  But actually selling an event room and planning a menu was an all new experience.  I also got involved in random things like the bakery, cooking classes, brand awareness, website, social media and other miscellaneous things I knew nothing about but enjoyed being a part of.  If I could have taken all the knowledge I had by the end of my time at BL and applied it to my first year there, man I would have been incredible!
Jason, Ashton, and I at the 2012 Cottonwood Heights grand opening

I absolutely loved my job! Sure it had it's ups and downs.  There were times I was sure I was going to get fired and there were times I was sure I was going to quit.  In fact January of 2013 I met with my boss and told him I wasn't sure how much longer I could keep going.  The December before had about done me in with its mass volumes of events, issues with chefs, and lack of time spent with Jason and Ashton.  All of the time apart was wearing thin on Jason and I's relationship and I had guilt leaving Ashton with a babysitter so much.  However, I felt like Blue Lemon had become such a big part of my identity.  In talking with my boss, Michael, he helped me find ways to manage my time and emotions better and he helped me make things work so that I could continue to do everything I wanted to.  Run the Blue Room and spend time with my family.  I will always be grateful that he took the time to come in and talk with me with in hours of me texting him and asking him if we could chat sometime.  I had a renewed passion and desire to succeed in all that I was doing.
Floral design was another thing I really enjoyed learning and got pretty good at too.

I knew things would have to end at some point even though I didn't want it too.  Med School was coming in a year.  I had hopes of staying involved somehow even if it was long distance.  I even had Jason apply to schools in Arizona for the sole reason that they were building a Blue Lemon there (he actually had interviews to the schools there but after quitting we pulled his applications).  When we found out we were pregnant, I again wanted to make sure I could stay involved somehow even though Jason and I both decided that by the end of January (start of the third trimester) I would need to quit the Blue Room.  After having Ashton early I knew I couldn't put that kind of stress on my body again.  Anytime I would talk with anyone about leaving BL I would always joke that I would still end up back at BL visiting every day anyways.
Aislinn and I at the 2011 "Lemmy Awards"

Soon after we found out we were pregnant things started going south at work.  In a sense the management changed.  My boss was no longer my boss and my best friend there, Aislinn, left as well.  Aislinn and I worked together in the office for almost three years.  We quickly became close friends inside and outside of work and helped each other out with our different responsibilities.  I began dreading going into work.  I would get up first thing in the morning and work before Ashton got going, then again during naps.  I'd go into the office in the afternoon for appointments and meetings and to get other things done that I couldn't do as easily at home.  Then after Ashton was asleep I would work again.  I started feeling like I was only paying attention to Ashton in my spare time and that I was putting work first constantly.  I realized I was sacrificing for something I no longer had passion or belief in.  I still absolutely loved what I did for my job and my friends that were still there.  But I was starting to lack pride and respect in the place I was working for.
When Jason got hired at Spring we were starting to rely on a babysitter more and more.  It was the first of November and we were heading into the crazy holiday season.  I knew I'd now be quitting the end of January in order to help keep the baby in longer and with the new management situation I didn't think they would be open to allowing me to work in another position that was less physically demanding, nor did I really want to anymore.  I realized I could keep working for three more months and dread it almost daily.  Or I could enjoy an entire December doing fun Christmas activities with Ashton.  When I thought of it that way I realized I wanted to quit right away,  there was currently an event booked on Ashton's b-day, I decided I wanted to quit before his birthday so I could spend it with him.

Leaving Blue Lemon was nothing like I had ever imagined it would be.  Whenever I pictured it, it was full of tears, and sad goodbyes.  In a way I am now grateful for how things turned out after putting my two weeks notice in.  It left me with no desire to ever set foot in the building again.  In stead of having to mourn the loss of my job I was able to walk away with pride in what I had accomplished and have no sad feelings for the fact that it was over.  I'm not going to sugar coat it and say I wasn't hurt by the way things happened, but I don't want to remember the negativity that surrounded leaving so I'm going to skip all that.  I do want to remember that I was good, no great, at my job.  I know there was always room for improvement.  But I tried hard.  I attribute a lot of my success to the intense training that the Joseph Smith Building puts everyone through.  I created a lot of the standards and practices around what I had learned running events there.  I also give credit to Michael for being patient with me and having faith in my abilities and allowing me to pretty much run everything on my own and in my own way.  We weren't best friends, and we didn't always agree but he trusted me to get my job done.  I loved my staff.  The girls that worked for me were like little sisters I cared so much about them and some will hopefully remain life long friends.  The night I left/got kicked out I received so many messages and even visits from them coming to make sure I was okay and saying that I was the greatest boss they had had.  One thing that I was told that has stuck with me was along the lines that: "we were awesome at what we did, we were good at our jobs, it sucks that they will never acknowledge that, but as long as we know it that is all that matters".
Ashton ringing his babysitter Toni up for some treats.   He was a hard mini-worker too.

In the end I am so very grateful for the three and half plus years I was able to spend there.  I'm grateful I had a job that was able to put Jason through school and that allowed me to continue to work and be a mom at the same time.  I laughed the hardest and had some of the funniest moments of my life so far there (things get really funny after 14 hour work days).  I am so grateful for the experience and knowledge I gained.  I had several job offers come during the time I was employed there.  Some from people I helped coordinate events for that wanted me to come and work for them.  Others came from other event establishments that saw what I was doing.  It was a compliment every time, but I in no way regret not accepting any of the other positions.  I also don't regret quitting one bit.  Somedays I wonder how things are going.  I had wanted to be able to train someone so I could confidently hand off everything I had worked for and built pretty much from the ground up.  But if they wanted to try and figure it out on their own and make it harder on themselves then fine.  I just have to let that go.
Staying home with Ashton was a bit of an adjustment at first but now I wouldn't have it any other way. He has excelled in so many ways since I've been home.  I have learned to be a better mother and wife and I think in all aspects am a happier person.  I completely love that I get to spend so much time with Ash before we welcome little brother into the family too.  I know he won't remember this time or all of things we go and do.  But I will.  Instead of planning weddings, I plan play dates and there is nothing wrong with that!

Monday, February 24, 2014

5 years

This is our family at five years...

The fifth anniversary is "wood" so we went out to dinner at Goodwood Barbeque and then saw Hunger Games, Catching Fire (soooo good!)  I also got crafty and made Jason this little wooden frame and carved our initials in it and tried making the glass a chalkboard instead.  It didn't turn out perfect but  it was still a fun little project.
Back in October we returned to Bountiful Mazda, where we first met back December of 2007.  Jason let me pick out my new car.  A sleek and curvy new Mazda6.  I love it.  It was our early BIG five year anniversary present.  We felt it was only right we went back to Bountiful Mazda for it.  We also wanted something completely reliable and under warranty while we were in Med School so it would (hopefully) be one less worry.

After Jason and I got home from our date night we were chatting with Toni, Ashton's favorite babysitter, and I started having some bad pains, which over the next three hours continued to get worse, to the point where we woke Ashton up and headed into the hospital at 2:00am.  I was admitted with pre term labor (@ 31 weeks), luckily they were able to slow down my contractions and gave me the most wonderful Zofran.  I don't know if it was the pain or what, but I couldn't stop throwing up, and my body started shaking like it did when I had Ashton, like it was going into shock or something.  I had really forgotten how bad contractions can get.
I had actually had a Dr's appointment earlier that day, where Dr. Lind had scheduled another ultra sound since I was only 31 weeks but was measuring 36-37 weeks.  He is thinking I'm carrying way to much fluid.  I started having a bit of a panic attack and began blacking out thinking about how early this baby was.  Jason just calmly looked at me and said "we're having a baby, it's going to be okay" gratefully that wasn't the case but as always I'm so amazed and thankful for how well Jason takes care of me.  My Doctor had me get a betamethosone shot at 28 weeks for the baby's lungs, just to be safe, which was very comforting for me now.  Ashton was such a trooper and sat in his chair watching TV and held my hand once things calmed down and we were just waiting things out.  Hoping he is not traumatized after all the commotion he witnessed.
How could I ever ask for a better little boy?
Romantic ending to our evening for sure... but really we are all just grateful this little guy decided to stay in for hopefully another month at least.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Perfect Love Day

I've always loved Valentine's Day.  I love it even more now, especially since I get to spend it with these two Valentine's of mine. 
(This is one of the best pictures of these two.  Seriously makes my heart skip a bit I love them so much!)

Since our Anniversary is the following week, we've turned Valentine's Day more into a family celebration of love rather than just about the two of us.  It's perfect because the following week it is much easier to get a dinner reservation!  

I started planning Valentine's Day out in January.  I had so many ideas, while not all of them happened, the ones that did were absolutely perfect.  I was so happy, excited, filled with pure JOY! that I literally couldn't even hold still or stop smiling the whole time.  
Jason had to work on Valentine's Day but he had the day before off so as our special Vday activity we headed up to Midway to explore the Ice Castles.  Ashton loved them.  They were amazing to look at and so fun to walk through.  We went on a warmer day so things were getting pretty melty.  Ashton loved picking up ice chunks and throwing them or trying to catch water drops in his mouth (until it landed in his eye and that was the end of that).  Unfortunately it ended up raining on us so we didn't spend as much time there as I think we would have otherwise.  
The next stop was Dairy Keen.  Ashton is absolutely obsessed with trains.  It is the first thing he wants to play with in the morning and when we ask him what he is going to dream about at night it is always trains.  Needless to say I thought this was the perfect place for him, "home of the train".  It was even better than I remembered it.  It had the big train that goes around the ceiling that he was mesmerized with the whole time and it also had train pictures and model train decorations all around that he loved pointing out to us.  There was even a big train table with tons of trains and tracks that he could play with.  He left the restaurant in tears because he never would have left otherwise.  
On Valentine's Day we had a yummy family breakfast of cinnamon rolls.  We were all about making presents this year.  I made Ashton an alphabet book with pictures of him doing different activities ("A is for Ashton, B is for Bike" etc.)   Ashton and I gave Dad some presents/arts and crafts cards we had made with some treats.  
Jason had hidden love notes all through out the house so while he was at work he would text me a hint to find each one.  I loved this because it made the entire day special.  He also made me a dozen red duct tape roses.  A few years ago I got pretty upset with him for getting me waaaaaay to expensive flowers.  I couldn't stop smiling over these handmade roses that will last me much much longer than real flowers.  I love that Jason is thoughtful enough to look up how to make something like this and then spend all that time making something just for me.